You Are(n’t) Good Enough

By Dr. Chloe Dawson

We’ve all said it and will continue to say it as social beings. Believe it or not, social comparison is not the root of all evil. The drive to compare ourselves to others is derived from innate triggers to survive and reproduce. Being passed over for a position or promotion, getting ghosted or broken up with or hundreds of other scenarios can flare your self-doubts. The bad news is you’ll likely continue to experience moments where you don’t feel “good enough.” However, the good news is you control the role those words play in your life. So, the next time you find yourself on the receiving end of this statement, here are a few things to consider:

Define it.

What does “good enough” actually mean? Often when we encounter this statement in the world, we see it in its weaponized form, where its purpose serves to undermine and bound our individual traits into a fixed state. You may also encounter this statement in your inner thoughts where it can play on repeat, plaguing your self-confidence and breeding feelings of self-doubt. However, the important thing to remember is that you control the play and pause button on this constricting record. “Good enough” is a subjective phrase, so you define it. Let me repeat. “Good enough” is a subjective phrase, so YOU define it. You have the power to decide the type of impact any statement has in your life. You create the size of obstacle and only you can decide if and how it can be overcome.

Take inventory and honor what is.

If you examined where you spend your time, do you put more time into:

A) Getting to know who you are and what you have in your life at this moment

or:

B) Focusing on what you are not and what you do not have in your life at this moment

Options A and B are often intertwined on the journey to feel “good enough.” The difference between the options comes into play when you explore the context and sentiment in which you approach each task. Both options involve checking in with oneself to identify what is and subsequentially, what isn’t. However, it’s vital to remember that the absence of something is not inherently negative. You decide its shape and the role it plays in your story. You will never be everything to everyone. But in a single moment, you can decide to be everything for yourself. You are a developing, complex human being and the only person’s affirmation you need to be “good enough” is your own. Honor what is by knowing your story and leading with it.

Own your path.

This is your path, so you can decide what comes next. You decide the size of the mountain you climb next and the worth of the prize that awaits you at the top. You can strive to be “good enough” or you can throw the whole statement away and simply strive to be “good” on your own terms in the best way, your own way.

Your potential isn’t a door, so don’t let it be locked by minimizing statements like “you’re not good enough.” Know the difference between the beautiful journey that is human development and a toxic ideology that aims to recklessly reduce your self-worth. To protect your process is to protect your peace.